April 14, 2018
Image Credit: ©belchonock - Deposit Photos
18 YEARS AGO
Today is your 18thbirthday. I am glad you made it to this day. To be honest though, this isn’t how I pictured it then….
I didn’t think I’d be texting you a birthday wish. I didn’t think I’d be crying at what happened to get us here. I didn’t think my heart would be breaking in so many different ways today. I didn’t think I wouldn’t be hugging and celebrating this day with you in person.
You changed my life 18 years ago today. You helped me become the mom I have become. I truly knew from early on that I always wanted to be a mom. I knew I wanted to have a family, have some kids, make awesome memories together and watch you grow and reach your dreams.
I admit there were times during the labour that I may have had some opposite feelings, but once I held you in my arms, once I looked into those dark brown eyes of yours and you stared back into mine, I knew I was where I wanted to be. Be a mom.
You are my first born. You are my original little monkey. You taught me many lessons along the way. You held my finger, you help my hand, you hugged me and you stole my heart beyond what I knew capable.
I remember reading you the same bed time stories over and over. I remember your independence when you wanted to do something on your own. I remember how excited you were when you came to see your little brother and then his little sister for the first time. I remember singing Twinkle twinkle to you every night before bed. I remember you riding the bus with me. I remember every little thing you can imagine!!!
I cannot pretend that where you are now is ok. I cannot fathom how you got there. I cannot fathom that you haven’t lived at home in over 5 years. I cannot believe I haven’t tucked you in some of those nights. I can’t believe you don’t have homemade dinner and sit down at the table with your brother, your sister and I.
Know this though, you got this far. We have both gotten this far. My family will always include you. My heart feels your joy, your pain, your fears. Since that day 18 years ago, I have always known I would do anything for you. That anything maybe what neither of us has expected ….
Know that I have always wanted the best for you. I expected your 18thbirthday to be cakes, friends and balloons. I expected you to be planning your future. You have taught me thought that all I can really expect is the unexpected.
For your 18thbday I give you my love. I give you my acceptance, as much as I can. I give you my wisdom that life holds different paths for different people. I give you my faith in that there are other plans for you. I give you my strength when you are feeling lonely and alone. I give you the knowledge that you have a family that loves you everyday.