Janet Taylor
March 7, 2018

Image Credit: ©fizkes - Deposit Photos

HONESTY

I cannot begin to understand what a teenager is experiencing today, versus what it is I experienced years (ok, decades) ago as a teen myself.

We did not label it “anxiety” or even refer to it as “stress”. We didn’t know it wasn’t simply part of the emotional rainbow everyone was living. I think we had, happy, sad, upset and fight it out over lunch. No emojis, no google, no friends in other cities or places we could connect with.

I could not have imagined sharing the nightmare I was going through at home with my father. I could not imagine telling one of my friends that I needed to talk, needed to get away or even needed an “intervention” of sorts.

What was happening at home was something I believed was to be kept at home. I recognize that we did not have the technology that exists today. I recognize that we had amazing friends around and we simply dealt with everything else on our own. I had no way of knowing if other children were scared shitless and laid awake every night afraid until they fell asleep. I had no way of knowing that there were adults that could or would stand up to what was happening and stop it or take me somewhere safe.

I can look back today and say I would not change any of it. For one simple reason, if I changed any of it, I would not be here today, typing away furiously, sharing this blog with those of you reading it.

I would not have the strength needed to get through what I have to get through today, tomorrow and even wrap my head around what happened last week.

I title this blog “honesty” because I am realizing that the days I lived in, created me to live the life I need to live today.

I call it “honesty” because it forces me to realize that I really don’t have a clue as to what the kids are going through today, even with all the technology they have. Even with all the awareness and support there is available to them.

It is a hard reality to suddenly have a moment where I realize that I do not get to judge what any child considers to be an anxious moment, or emotional breakdown. I do not get to say “suck it up and move forward”. How can I? I am fortunate to be equipped with the internal structure I have been given. Why? Not for me to answer. It is simply for me to continue walking the path only I can walk.