August 1, 2018
Image Credit: ©szefei - Deposit Photos
WE ALL MATTER
I consider myself to be fairly smart. I consider myself to be open to new ideas, new people and overall change. I consider myself to be fun, educated and full of life. I consider myself a great mom and a great friend. I consider myself courageous in the face of obstacles.
I say all the above to remind myself that my life has value. I say it to remind myself that I have never given up before and I sure as hell don’t intend on giving up now. I say it all to remind myself that there are days we all have a heck of a time holding our chin up and even getting out of bed. I say all the above because we all have that moment, that moment when we are like “REALLY???”
It’s that moment when you realize that today, this very day, you did not plan on being here. Whether it be because you just saw a bill you forgot to pay, you realized you don’t have anything to feed the kids and no energy left to go shopping, your debit card/ credit card has run out, your daughter’s project is due tomorrow and its 830 pm….insert any situation you can think of here to finish off this paragraph.
It’s that moment when you question everything. We sometimes call it a pity party. A breakdown. A look in the cracked mirror. That moment when we want to RESET. We want to run and hide or just escape it all. We all know that moment.
As strong and confident and courageous as I feel most other moments, this moment I speak of, knocks the legs out from right under me. I want to sit on the sidelines and let everything else pass by. I want to toss in the white flag and scream.
Up until that exact moment I am trucking along. I’m doing everything I can be doing to achieve all that I want to or think I need to achieve. Then BAM! It catches up to me…all the “what ifs”, “Should’s” and “could haves”. …FEAR… it comes pouring down like an unrelenting storm with no end in sight.
I know better. I have learned techniques, learned skills, learned from past experiences. I work on my personal growth and I enjoy finding new ways to strive for personal improvement. Then that moment hits and it all crumbles.
I am left doubting all I have done. I am left holding pieces of a life I have worked hard to construct. I am left shell shocked and torn up emotionally at what I thought my life would be by now. I feel like the obstacles don’t stop popping up. I feel completely alone and helpless.
Then the moment passes and I regroup. I fall back on what I have learned from my life, that nothing lasts forever.
I am learning that the courage I have developed is true. I am learning that the faith I have is real and it exists around me, constantly. I am learning that love can heal. I know that the “moment” occurred so that I may see the rest of the moments that are happening all around me in the way they are meant to be seen.
I regroup and remind myself that I am here to be the best person I can be and that will be enough.
I share this with you to encourage you to believe in yourself when you think no one else does. I share this with you so you know that courage is within each of us waiting to be discovered. I share this with you so that the next time you feel alone, scared, helpless, that you remember that in this moment, some part of you is being tested and that you can pass this test. I know it is hard to keep walking forward. I know those days when it seems I won’t even be able to crawl forward. I know better though.
Through everything I have experienced and lived, through every challenge I have faced, I am left with one simple reminder, my life matters because I matter. To me.
We all matter. All our challenges shape us. All our failures make us who we are in this moment. We will all taste victory at one time. We will all better our bests.
In the darker moments, remember, you count, you mean something to this world. Without you or me or any of us, this world does not exist.
Shed the tears, punch the walls, scream and yell for anyone or no one to hear. Just never give up on the one thing that truly matters – YOU.